You know those "relationships" or encounters with men that you put out of your mind for years? I am very good at doing that. I"m so good that I used to scare myself. The ability to erase a person or experience from your mind is no joke..well maybe we don't actually erase but I think you know what I'm talking about. Yesterday, while riding home on the train; I overheard a conversation between two men about a long distance relationship that one has with a woman from Illinois and while he really likes her, his mom thinks he should end it..all for the simple fact that she doesn't approve of long distance dating. WOW. I wish I could have heard more but they got off before me. ANYWAY the story gave me a flashback to a time when I found myself having a long distance friendship with someone from Park Forest, Illinois. After years of talking on the phone and emails (we "met" through a mutual friend) I finally decided to take a trip out there to see him. Before my actual trip he told me that his mother was concerned about my visit and wanted to know what the sleeping arrangements would be. In her defense, she was was concerned about his son (her grandson) seeing him sleep in the same bed with a woman who was not his mother. Now just so you know, the actual plan was for me to sleep in his bedroom while he slept on the couch. "Brighton" and I had already discussed this issue before I bought my plane tickets SO this was somewhat okay by me. "Brighton" was not married and as a single parent he was very careful about who he brought around his son (who had to be 12 or 13 at the time) and I totally respected that. To be honest I was also concerned about how his son would feel but he talked to him before any plans were made. When I think back to it all, that was my first real Mama's Boy warning sign but I had no clue of just how much of a punk..excuse me, Mama's Boy he really was UNTIL I got there!
During my whole trip, she called repeatedly asking him question after question and what did he do? Answered every question like a good little boy. He told her where we went, what we did and what we would do the following day. This was almost every night for the whole week I was there! Please keep in mind that his son "Joshua" was in school during this time.. so why was any of this her business (especially during school hours)and why did this "grown" 32 year old man feel the need to tell her every detail? I know she was "concerned" about her grandson but come on! I forgot to mention that she would stop by unannounced and when he tried to introduce me she did not want to meet me! She would make her son come outside to meet her while she sat in her car.
Anyway, it all turned out for the best as the idea of a possible relationship was over and done with within the next 6 months.
I just had to share that one!
Saturday, January 23, 2010
Sunday, January 17, 2010
Nip it!
Congratulations to a very good friend of mine (let's call her Stacy) and her new fiance (we'll call him Robert) on their engagement!
Robert is really a great guy who is sweet, charming, thoughtful and kind but you guessed it.. our sweet Robert is a Mama's Boy! Now before I go any further, I don't want you to think that all MB's are blind, weak, spineless creatures when it comes to their moms (but most are) and I really don't want you to think that there are no benefits to being with an MB because the fact is there are some benefits like..well..let's get into that another time. Today's post is about Stacy & Robert!
Stacy has mentioned in the past that Robert's mom is pretty cool but we all know how that can change as soon as the relationship graduates from dating to being engaged. In this particular case, Robert's mother (let's call her Ann) has decided to provide Stacy and Robert with unsolicited assistance in planning their wedding. Not only has she told Stacy that the demure but otherwise beautiful wedding dress she has already purchased is not good enough for a wedding; she has also decided to take it upon herself to book appointments at various reception halls throughout Queens, Long Island, Westchester and New Jersey without discussing anything with the couple.
During my conversation with Stacy, I asked her how Robert felt about his mom trying to take over and of course he gave her one of the most popular answers a Mama's Boy could give "Well, she's just trying to help" (mmm hmmm) and then he followed up with one of my personal favorite lines "Maybe she's just trying to bond with you". RIGHT!! SURE, THAT'S WHAT IT IS!! Maybe she is or maybe she isn't. Maybe she's just used to being involved in ALL things Robert. She has been a part of every major decision in his life and this should be no different. Maybe she does mean well BUT she needs to know that's she's already stepped out of bounds and it's not acceptable, period. Wanting to help is one thing but taking over is a completely different ball game. So, I told Stacy she needs to sit down and have a heart to heart with Robert now before things get ugly.
Before we feel the first twitch in our eye and the nail cutting curl of our fists; we should discuss our feelings with our men and sincerely ask them (because if we don't they won't) to talk to their mom's and nip the problem in the bud! Truly give them the chance to take care of it in a timely fashion, however, should your man delay or stall for any reason and matters become worse it's time for you to take action! Now, before you do anything give him one last warning (in a calm and loving manner of course) and if he stalls again it's up to you.
So readers, please do me a favor and give Stacy your suggestions for handling this situation.
What would you do?
Robert is really a great guy who is sweet, charming, thoughtful and kind but you guessed it.. our sweet Robert is a Mama's Boy! Now before I go any further, I don't want you to think that all MB's are blind, weak, spineless creatures when it comes to their moms (but most are) and I really don't want you to think that there are no benefits to being with an MB because the fact is there are some benefits like..well..let's get into that another time. Today's post is about Stacy & Robert!
Stacy has mentioned in the past that Robert's mom is pretty cool but we all know how that can change as soon as the relationship graduates from dating to being engaged. In this particular case, Robert's mother (let's call her Ann) has decided to provide Stacy and Robert with unsolicited assistance in planning their wedding. Not only has she told Stacy that the demure but otherwise beautiful wedding dress she has already purchased is not good enough for a wedding; she has also decided to take it upon herself to book appointments at various reception halls throughout Queens, Long Island, Westchester and New Jersey without discussing anything with the couple.
During my conversation with Stacy, I asked her how Robert felt about his mom trying to take over and of course he gave her one of the most popular answers a Mama's Boy could give "Well, she's just trying to help" (mmm hmmm) and then he followed up with one of my personal favorite lines "Maybe she's just trying to bond with you". RIGHT!! SURE, THAT'S WHAT IT IS!! Maybe she is or maybe she isn't. Maybe she's just used to being involved in ALL things Robert. She has been a part of every major decision in his life and this should be no different. Maybe she does mean well BUT she needs to know that's she's already stepped out of bounds and it's not acceptable, period. Wanting to help is one thing but taking over is a completely different ball game. So, I told Stacy she needs to sit down and have a heart to heart with Robert now before things get ugly.
Before we feel the first twitch in our eye and the nail cutting curl of our fists; we should discuss our feelings with our men and sincerely ask them (because if we don't they won't) to talk to their mom's and nip the problem in the bud! Truly give them the chance to take care of it in a timely fashion, however, should your man delay or stall for any reason and matters become worse it's time for you to take action! Now, before you do anything give him one last warning (in a calm and loving manner of course) and if he stalls again it's up to you.
So readers, please do me a favor and give Stacy your suggestions for handling this situation.
What would you do?
Saturday, January 16, 2010
They say hindsight is better than foresight but I beg to differ in this case!
There are signs everywhere we look; STOP signs, YIELD signs, CAUTION signs, etc. but don't you wish there was a MAMA'S BOY sign that would flash on the forehead of the guy you've just met? Wouldn't you want something, anything that would alert you to the inevitable friction that automatically comes with dating and/or marrying him? Falling in love with a true blue Mama's Boy can feel like you've just ordered a not-so-happy meal; you get a tasty great guy with a side of his salty mother and nice big cup of icy cold drama.
Well I'm here to tell you that there are signs. Maybe not as blatant as the ones I described above but they do exist. I married an "MB" and when I think back to the time we dated I can clearly remember all of the warning signs. So I'd love to share what I've learned in hindsight, hoping that maybe it will help your foresight :) Beware of the following tell tale signs of a certified Mama's Boy:
1. MB's talk to their mother's everyday and in most cases MULTIPLE times daily
2. MB's are known to give way too much information to their mother's during their conversation (like where they are, what they're doing exactly and most importantly who they're with and what they plan on doing later)
3. MB's start many of their sentences with "My mother said", "My mother thinks" and "My mother wants"
4. When eating something you've prepared for dinner, MB's love to comment on how their mother makes the same dish and how much better it is than your version
5. If you ask an MB why he won't eat a certain food, do a specific thing or go to a certain place, there's a very good chance his mother has something to do with it
6. MB's hang out with their mother's just a tad bit too much
7. No matter how tired or busy an MB is; when his mother calls for him, he goes running
8. During many discussions and possible debates with your MB, there's a very good chance that he may call his mother and ask for her opinion and/or confirmation
9. MB's always have excuses for their mother's awful behavior
10. In some cases, an MB will tell you that he will not date or marry women his mother doesn't like.
For all of my first time readers who think they may be dating a Mama's Boy and are not quite sure, I hope this helps. For all of you who KNOW for a fact that your man is a Mama's Boy, please feel free to add your warning signs to the list!
Well I'm here to tell you that there are signs. Maybe not as blatant as the ones I described above but they do exist. I married an "MB" and when I think back to the time we dated I can clearly remember all of the warning signs. So I'd love to share what I've learned in hindsight, hoping that maybe it will help your foresight :) Beware of the following tell tale signs of a certified Mama's Boy:
1. MB's talk to their mother's everyday and in most cases MULTIPLE times daily
2. MB's are known to give way too much information to their mother's during their conversation (like where they are, what they're doing exactly and most importantly who they're with and what they plan on doing later)
3. MB's start many of their sentences with "My mother said", "My mother thinks" and "My mother wants"
4. When eating something you've prepared for dinner, MB's love to comment on how their mother makes the same dish and how much better it is than your version
5. If you ask an MB why he won't eat a certain food, do a specific thing or go to a certain place, there's a very good chance his mother has something to do with it
6. MB's hang out with their mother's just a tad bit too much
7. No matter how tired or busy an MB is; when his mother calls for him, he goes running
8. During many discussions and possible debates with your MB, there's a very good chance that he may call his mother and ask for her opinion and/or confirmation
9. MB's always have excuses for their mother's awful behavior
10. In some cases, an MB will tell you that he will not date or marry women his mother doesn't like.
For all of my first time readers who think they may be dating a Mama's Boy and are not quite sure, I hope this helps. For all of you who KNOW for a fact that your man is a Mama's Boy, please feel free to add your warning signs to the list!
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